“If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you will become a philosopher”, this was the Socrates statement. It conveys that in the Socrates era divorce was not prevalent and man had to suffer till to become a philosopher. It was really very sad, I can feel the sufferings and the pain of the people. Thanks to the changes in the social laws happened over a period of time. The law of divorce saved many to change from a normal human being to a philosopher.
#The divorce laws brought great relief in many lives who had great torturing from their spouse. But, now in India too it is spreading like an epidemic and we all have to really be concerned with this problem.
Can we avoid divorce to save many families ending up in great miseries?
It will be a great relief to many, if the answer is yes. I feel sorry for all couples & their dear one who are those facing this fateful situation and experiencing the trauma. Due to this the children of single parents have psychological impact and their personality is not well groomed. Life at the present time is very uncertain and stress level is also increasing with the everyday progress. There should be no dearth of love to ignore the small things in day to day life of everyone, but it is lacking. The modern day philosophy is a big hurdle in maintaining a cordial relation in personal life and it is contrary to: “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
A good husband makes a good wife. This sentence someway make the man more responsible to have a happy married life. I can’t dare to offend the women folk stating that they are weak at any front, but no one can deny that mostly very emotional. Women represent love, kindness and beauty. A normal man gets fascinated with their esoteric beauty, tenderness and unfathomable love. I don’t want to stress upon their emotional aspect of personality, but worried about the impact of drastic changes of social values of their life. Divorce is one of the effect of changes in the social values; more than a man a female has to suffer after the divorce. I wish and pray that relation between wife and husband should be such that let each lady say: “Blessed by the God and spoiled by my husband.”
After reading the above few paragraphs one may question that “was the marriages in the past decades or even before were sweet like honey” and my answer will be “no”? But, before industrialization and modernization life was much simpler and good, mainly the relation of human beings.
Whether it is an arranged or love marriage in both cases, we take full precautions to know the compatibility between both the partners as per our knowledge and capabilities still things go wrong. The most loving connection beside blood relation is the relation of a man and woman as a wife and husband. In some cases this relation is incomparable and surpasses all the relations because in no relation except a relation of wife and husband, it is possible to get all the happiness from the partner.
As per Acharya Chanakya,: “A good wife is one serves her husband in the morning like a mother does, loves him in the day like a sister does and pleases him like a prostitute in the night.”
Many have the luck to experience most joyous and meaningful life, but few are unlucky due to spoiled relation between the two. Their every day is not full of heavenly pleasure, but a real torture. Sometimes, even separation and divorce is not possible and that make the situation very grave. Our all creativity is killed, joy vanishes and sufferings are limitless.
“The burning question is whether divorce can be avoided”?
If I have to reply then I will say no, it is not possible. It is very difficult to totally stop the divorces due to social advancement and many different complexities. In each and every case it is not possible, but many divorces can be avoided; we can continue to live together like an average wife and husband. In such relations every day may not be festive, but it will not be filthy, barbaric and blood sucking.
We keep observing that there are plenty jokes on some community and then about the wife and husband. I always get confused to read the jokes and it also pinches me. It is all due to unromantic relation, monotonous lifestyle and lack of respect for each other. Both the partners have to give their best to maintain the romantic relation till we live. Let every day be a honeymoon. Such imagination may be impractical, but it is still helpful and we must try. Let us compromise, understand and scarify to make the marriage a success & beautiful.
Being an astrologer and psychologist, I will stress upon malefic planetary combinations in our chart and their bad effects spoiling our married life along with our behaviour. In the ancient era also, the matching of horoscope of both the partners was vital before accepting the marriage proposals. But, it is useless if it is only for knowing the guna( compatibility) scores. Horoscope should be thoroughly analysed for various planetary combinations along with the different yogas like divorce, separation and unhappiness in the married life. The matching of horoscope gives full insight which is not possible to know by just physically observing the partner, investigating about them and knowing about their present achievement & status. Astrological analysis allows us to know the sexual, emotional and other compatibilities between the both. We take very lightly on matching the chart and not able to use this tool for the most important guidance. Self-analysing the horoscope with theoretical knowledge and matching the horoscope by using software can be hazardous. It is wise to know us all about the life, happiness and compatibility through the horoscope, but from a competent astrologer.
The given hints are guidelines & one can take the help of it:
1. If the 7th house lord is placed in the bad houses, then, don’t expect very happy married life. In this case one has to compromise before and after marriage. Otherwise, it may lead to great unhappiness or even separation etc.
2. The placement or aspect of the Sun in the 7th house may cause separation or divorce. The 7th lord with the Sun or the 7th lord has the Sun’s aspect will give the same result. It is important to take all the remedies to avoid divorce and separation in such planetary combinations.
3. If the Venus is weak, then chances to have less bed comforts and delayed marriage. In this case one should be mentally prepared to accept the truth and also perform the suggested remedies.
4. Sex addict or oversexed may have this:
a. If the Moon is weak and the Venus is with malefic planets or having malefic aspect.
b. The Venus in the 6th house in the own sign and the Moon and Mars together may make the person sex addict.
5. One can see the presence of the broken Venus of girdle, displaced and over developed Moon, weak thumb, flabby palm and many horizontal lines on an over developed mount of the Venus. This also indicates some abnormality in the sexual aspect of the life.
6. If there are many broken lines on the forehead, then go deeper to understand his character because such individual may have many relationship.
One must also know the childhood history and the family story to have better insight on the person’s personality.
I will not go deep in the Astrology because it may not interest to all. Few points purposely quoted so one will be aware of the evil planetary combinations which can cause horrible partner and wretched married life.
I suggest my marriageable readers to understand that before marriage, we have all the freedom to accept or reject the proposal. But, after marriage, it is not at all easy. So, it is wise to choose the partner with balance state of mind with a logical approach. Even one can go against the parents and relatives & refuse the proposal, which is not liked from the heart. Never marry just to prove your virility in the eyes of society if you lack the libido or you are sexually incapable of making your partner happy.
There are maximum possibilities to have error in those decisions based on emotions. We usually see that decision taken at the teen age is mostly based on infatuations and that leads to complications. I am not a hypocrite and mostly blunt. There is sufficient reason to say that the marriage is mainly for sex and the physical aspects plays the prime role. But, if it is only for sensual pleasure, then long lasting marriages are doubtful. Whoever has such thinking they are tempted to change the partner and may lead them to go for a divorce.
Once my client, a German Osho Sanyasi, questioned me that how a man or woman can live a full life with the same person? It is a normal philosophy of an Indian is that the married partner is for the life and maybe for the next seven lives. The western philosophy is quite different. Her logic was quite convincing; as a human being we keep trying to discover different ways and methods to get more happiness. Otherwise, why Rishi Vatsyayana has to explore 64 positions to enjoy sexual pleasure? Being with one person for full life is really boring. But, there are some ingredients beside the thrill of experiencing new partners and that act like the salt & spices in the food. The most important factor which holds us in the marriage is: “love for each other” because physical love alone is not sufficient. When we live for each other then, the relation changes from merely physical to spiritual. In such relation our sexual act is not monotonous because we enjoy the spiritual sex. When “two bodies, but one soul” philosophy is practiced then the miracle happens. With the passing of time, such relation gets deep to deeper. This happens as we scarify for each other and start living for the happiness of the partner. “The more we give, the more we get” saying have a powerful impact in shaping the relation. Till we don’t surrender to each other, we can have only superficial happiness and prone to have all the complications of life including separation and divorce. In some cases, if partner is not fully involved in each other then also that can lead to many other complications. Even sexual addictions can further enhance if one’s emotional aspects are not properly addressed.
I know that many may have very different reactions on my statement. But, their deep understanding and analysis will help them to understand & accept my theory. Recently, it has been in the air that #unconsented sex with wife is also a rape. But, what is the solution if a married man is badly needed sex? If the partner is having an excessive sex desire, then better know the reason and seek psychological advice. The anatomy of a lady sexual organ is such that even a lady is not aroused can give gratification of sex to her partner, but not a man & this is the answer to our unconsented sex with the wife. The interference of social organisations and government in the personal life of the married couple is going to create a big problem and less happiness. It will be misused like IPC 498A and IPC 376. This was realized by the authorities and now lots of relaxation is given. The law should certainly intervene if it is badly affecting the quality of the women’s life. Such impractical laws will further spoil the relationship of a married couple and also lead to many other social crimes. If a woman is not available for the need of a husband then how come a strong bonding will develop? But, it goes without saying that husband should be also loving, scarifying and sincere to her.
Due to our materialistic approach now we are uncertain even of our life partner and as a financial security, we try to have individual saving and a separate bank account. This may label us a modern and shows the equality of status, but it will never give the feeling of belongingness. The relation of wife and husband should be like water and milk, after mixing them, water is no more a water and it loses its identity.
In the past, the ornaments were gifted to the ladies and that was named as “Stridhan”. It was like a financial security for the women. Out of love, on different occasions, men use to gift ornaments etc. and that was added in that. Due to olden day’s non-materialistic approach in, such relation money was not creating any drift between them. Now, it is the time to understand that the strong bonding can’t be developed with a very practical and materialistic approach, it needs love, trust and devotion.
#Some prominent reasons of broken or bad marriage are:
3. Selfishness, Cruelty & lack of devotion.
4. Interference of relatives.
5. Non acceptance of family responsibilities.
6. Dissatisfaction in the sexual life.
There could be many other reasons which are responsible for the failure of a marriage, but above reasons are mostly noticed.
Let us dig out a few points which can be very handy in saving the marriages in present era:
A. Cautions before marriage:
It is very essential to know the person fully before we marry. Marriage is considered to be a lifetime deal and also considered as a second birth. So, one must study all aspects of life before finalising the marriage. Similar likings, status and background are helpful to sustain the marriage, but it is not only the key point. It is always good to share our all personal information which may affect the relation in the future. Mostly we all have something in the past and the secret to share. So, one can be bold to reveal it for a peaceful and lasting relationship. Because many may not like to know the past of their spouse through others. So, better talk all and let the other person accept and be comfortable with us. No relation can be lasting and happy which was started with lies and deceptions. Otherwise also we will never be comfortable and peaceful till the death if lied or hidden the important information from the spouse.
B. Cautions after the marriage:
There are limited points to be considered before finalising the marriage as mentioned earlier. On the contrary there are several things have to be taken in to account and followed after the marriage. Just think about our own siblings, we have differences with them even though we grow together and under one roof. Then, how come the partner will not have different thinking and opinions towards life? Both are from different families and their ethics and teachings are also bound to differ. Every individual is a creation of the God, but none of us are ditto of another. Misunderstandings and the small difference of opinions are expected, but that has to be in limit and should not last for long. As a good human being we normally ignore and forgive the mistakes of the partner to have peaceful relationship. But, mistakes like extramarital relations and cruelty is difficult to digest & that creates severe complications in the married life. No couple wants that partner is dishonest and disloyal. Then comes the financial aspect and behaviour of the partner.
In the present scenario the parents of spouses are also a major cause of conflict. Olden days there was joint family and old parents had no much problem as they were taken care by the family members. Now, in the nucleus family it is not the same and in many cases it is a serious issue to deal with.
The relation of mother-in-law and daughter-in- law is a big issue in the married life and in many cases it leads to separation and divorce.
Strenuous work culture and competitive lifestyle are bound to spoil mental stability and causing psychological problems like depression and much more. People around us also are very much responsible in spoiling our happy married life. Many are very casual to comment and advice even on a serious problem like a personal relation. Constant brainwashing has a strong impact and some way that provoke us to take a wrong step.
In India too, in the last three decades there is a fantastic improvement in our lifestyle as women are equally joining the mainstream and becoming financially independent. Many changes in the laws have empowered the women to get a better status in the society.
Living in relationship and other liberal laws are really bringing good changes in our life, but many of us are not able to use this in a decent way. No one can be blamed for it, it is a transition period. It takes time to get used to new things, but till that time we have to suffer.